I am a international student

一句无恶之语
却是我一而再，再而三流血的伤口

他的无心 他的有意
“hey, hey, international students, go wait another lift la."

都快两年了，我也应该习惯了的
可是我的心，总是很不听话 反正这也不是第一次了

我心自肚明他说的是事实
我确实是外地人

不过，我还是很受伤
他真的让我们很受伤

爸爸说得对，人不以不可爱 可是钱可爱就行了。
我只知道，过于在乎的心，只会让我更加难以喘气罢了。

他的屁确实是很臭，而且还浑身散发着垃圾的恶臭味。

不过，对我毫无恶害的垃圾，我又何必在乎？

反正垃圾终究就会被回收。

Genesis [chapter 1:16-20]

[chapter 1:16-20]

16 God made two great lights-- the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made stars.
17 God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth,
18 to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good.
19 And there was evening, and there was morning--the fourth day.
20 And God said, "Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky."

Prayer for today:

"Dear Lord Jesus, You made us to live in the earth but not the great universe. Perhaps, there's always a reason behind, isn't? Or else, certainly I will not be having my lovely bed with me tonight. I tried to count stars but there's too many of them, which I don't even know where should I start counting. The stars shine weakly but beautiful, I wanted a life like stars too. Though weak but at least I can live out a beautiful life. Whisper me a hint to tell me where should I start. Send me angels and people who loves me because it's time for me to learn how to love. In the name of Jesus, Amen."
   

5201314

5201314
认真一看，原来今天就是2013年1月14日。
真是个好数字、好日子啊。
可惜，这些日子离我太遥远了。

今天无意间看见一位朋友的status，
他说： “为何好日子都出现在单身以后？”

也许，之前的情人节呀，什么大日子啊你都双双俩俩甜蜜度过了。
所以现在的你只好自己一人孤单吞苦瓜。

Genesis [chapter 1:11-15]

[chapter 1:11-15]

11 Then God said, "Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds." And it was so.
12 The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kind and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kind. And God saw that it was good.
13 And there was evening, and there was morning--the third day.
14 And God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years,
15 and let them be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth." And it was so.

Let this to be my prayer today:

"Dear Lord, you know what, I love apples. I wouldn't be able to taste it if apple trees failed to bear fruits. Because of You, I would be a disabled in the dark if You forgotten to separate the day from the night even though I have eyes that works well. You created a world which I can live in as per normal. How would the life be if I'm surviving in a world without light? Light is the hope, the sense of secures in me. No matter what, please keep this light be lighted because I'm normal only if I live in the world created by You. In the name of Jesus, Amen."
 

A heart of recognition

Always, I valued people based on the education level they received.
Please, I know I fail, failed to acquired the most basic rights what a human deserved for.  

So, let this to be my prayer tonight:

"Dear Lord, please witness my growth, get me out from the stupidity for having such a stereotype and imbalance perception I have on others. Make me a better man. In the name of Jesus, Amen."

Genesis [chapter 1: 6-10]

Genesis

[ chapter 1: 6-10 ]

6 And God said, "Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate waters from waters."
7 So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so.
8 God called the expanse 'sky.' And there was evening, and there was morning--the second day.
9 And God said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear." And it was so.
10 God called the dry ground 'land,' and the gathered waters he called 'seas.' And God saw that it was good. 

If there's no expanse between waters and waters, I will not be able to see blue sky with white clouds.

If there's no dry land and seas, I will not be able to run on the field and snorkelling in the seas.

Creations of God is just great. Be grateful. 

Sorry for the curse

Have you ever made a curse on others?
Either with or without intention, it's just isn't right.
What will happen if a curse has a real effect curse on people?
Be frank, I dare not to think beyond that.

As a student, often I heard complaints regarding specific lecturers.
Even me myself are not an exception though.
Would I be able to bear the complains if I were those lecturers?
No, I will never have make it.

Of course, the level of complaints varies from person to person.
This is the scale I used personally to put up a 'measure' on them:
'Great leh'
'Very good'
'Satisfying la'
'On average bah'
'Below average lo'
'Super Horrible leh'
'Seriously terrible lah'
'Walao A, damn lousy la'
'Owh, f*** la, damn sucks'
  
Have you noticed:
a. there's always a shorter word in describing a teacher I'm satisfied and happy with?

b. there's always a longer and rude word when I'm not happy with?
 
It's not true to be applied for everybody.
But, personally I did it.

Apparently I made certain criticism if I have great preference and bad words on people I'm least happy with though they're actually responsible in their teaching. In fact, they deserved to be respected though the way they deliver messages and knowledge isn't the way I like or I used to.

This is a shame if I gain knowledge from them but I never learn to stop criticising.

Dear Ms. B,

forgive me for being bad mouth months back when you was my mentor and leacturer of two modules of mine. Though I don't really meant to curse you, but I was wrong. Really sorry.

All I want is zero barrier

Today's prayer

It has been years since I kept a distance from him.
I know this isn't right, and I definitely have failed God's expectation on me.
I know I have failed my spirit too.  

Perhaps, I'm not late for my sins.
Allow this to be my prayer tonight:

" Let there be zero barrier between me and my God Father for I'm so weak and poor. Strengthen my heart with your love as I need it so badly. Make me to be humble before knowledge, before your punishment. Tonight, please send me a heart of passion to seek for you."

Genesis [chapter 1: 1-5]

The Beginning:

Chapter 1: 1-5

1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and  the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
3 And God said:" Let there be light," and there was light.
4 God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness.
5 God called the light 'day,' and the darkness called 'night.'And there was evening, and there was morning--the first day.

I remembered this was the verse where sister Bailu shared to me about a year ago.

She said:"Our God is smart, don't you think so? If I were Him, I would never be able to give a name for every creatures I created!"

Yeah, you're right. Neither do I.
That's the reason he is our God. 

2013年 我的起跑线

也许，只有在这一天，我们都会开始反思吧。
这也难怪，一年就快这样从此说再见了。

我活过来了，你熬过来了。
这一年过去，我做了什么，我都不知道。
我像是有短暂失意症的家伙，一时半时不能想起。
若真要恢复记忆，那我得重新再走过我的人生了。

我想，大概没这个必要。
毕竟，一切早已成为过去。
因时光而流失的，不再垂手可得。
 
今天，我去了商店一趟。

老板娘：“好快啊，明天就2013了，我又老了一岁。”

在旁排队的我无心地笑了一下，很明显老板娘并不是对我说的。

AuntyA：“是咯，又老了一岁。”
我：“哈哈，我也是啊，我也老了！”
老板娘：“哎呀，不能说我老了，应该说我又壮了一岁，你们就大了一岁。”
我：“呵呵。”

年纪大了，可见我们都改口说 ‘老了’ 而不是 ‘大了’。

我的心 停了0.5秒

不知为何 最近的我像个闹钟似的准时起床
迟睡反而更早起身了

今天早晨的心跳 跟以往的不一样
她 停顿了0.5秒

我感觉到 那瞬间的停顿
真的好不寻常

心突然停下 然后多跳两下
就这样跳着 重复了有三回
我躺在床上 久久不敢移动

也许 是我的恶梦让我停止了那0.5秒

我突然好害怕 心会从此停下
因为我还没做好离去的准备

这一刻的呼吸 我真是感恩

我太白痴

昨天，我还真为自己能帮Aunty修plug而感到自豪。
今天，我才发现，原来我只是个只懂修plug却不懂要关大电的白痴。

我真的很大胆，很白痴的大胆。

搞不好，昨天是我的 21.12.2012 了。

认真想想，难道我真的没害怕过吗
再怎么勇敢都好，任我再善于能言善道，我也只是个人。
懦弱的人，故作坚强的人。
而我，只是不去想、不去面对心中的恐惧。
我只知道，害不害怕不是我该烦的问题。

那天，爸爸给我来电了。
他说：“爸爸当年都熬过去了，你是爸爸的女儿，你也一定行的！”

简单易懂的几个字，想必是爸爸早在几天前就想好的台词。
爸爸担心的，是害怕女儿不够坚强。
这，我都知道。

我说：“放心，你女儿就算天塌了下来，都会把它当被盖的。”

电话筒的另一边转来阵阵笑声，爸爸果真被我逗笑了。

爸爸说：“要爱自己如同爱你父母。”
嗯，我会的。

路是我选的，前途是我的，再难受辛苦，爸爸的女儿，我一定行的。

也许在别人眼里，我只是个平凡小人物、不起眼的小角色。
可我很清楚我就是我爸爸妈妈的财产。

你不是笨蛋，只是还没学会

一出世就会哭的我们，是天生的。

一出生就会笑的我们，也是天生的。

我们有血有泪，是稻草人没有的温度。

稻草人没有血，身上的动脉静脉是草。

稻草人没有泪，划过脸颊的泪是雨点。

献给佩诗：

风儿总是悄悄地来，而你总是悄悄地走，我知你背影的落寞。
风儿总是傻傻呆呆，被挨骂你一声不吭，低声下气也是好事。
风儿总是沉默不语，你含着那苦瓜苦味，要知道不乖没糖吃。
风儿总是泼妇上身，熟人一带口水横飞，以后你要学会相处。

人生一路坎坷难走，买双好鞋奖赏自己，保护脚板快步飞行。
天大地大你不孤单，别人恶言注定难躲，永远铭记良药苦口。
是祸是福命中注定，你我都得接受面对，富人穷人无人可免。
风雨过后乌云不再，彩虹之下生命重现，以感恩之心去感受。

把心囚在封闭的密室里，是自虐。

任心自由奔跑开心飞翔，是释放。

  

我爱写

羊肠小径肚里装草；人藏小恶肚里装邪；

羊儿细爵素食主义；懒人细爵俗世不奇。

我是俗人，有一颗心脏却没良心。

我是天才，有两个小脑袋的笨蛋。

我是猴子，有三个大嘴巴的口水。

我是瞎子，有四粒小眼睛的怪咖。

我是路痴，有五个方向的指南针。

我很鸡喳，有六张爱说话的嘴巴。
我很宅女，有七天宅七天的宅女。
我很三八，有八卦新闻少不了我。
我很老人，有九点就睡的好习惯。
我很心急，有十根走快快的脚趾。

风的亲吻

有位朋友说，大自然跟人类总是有着某种特别的联系。
可惟有真心去感受才会觉得那是美丽的。

她说：
“人长大了，思想也变得复杂了，结果烦恼也变得多了。说真的，有多少人能真正的为自己开心的过活。”

确实，人类开心的起笔，不应是烦恼而是用心体会。

每一次，只要刮起风，我总会停下脚步，然后站在原地感觉风的安抚。
最爱迎面而来的风，就算头发被吹乱得乱七八糟，我也不管。
我的心太累，肩上的包袱是我欲罢不能的责任。
至少亲吻我的风是我唯一能放慢脚步的原因。
生活，让我觉得我愈是微笑，身体愈是疲累。

那天，一位病人亲属看见我灿烂的笑容甚是欢喜。
离院之前还不忘告诉我：“terus　SMILE！”

我笑着说：“嗯。”

另一个结束

这一次在医院的special posting，虽然有点闷但这段日子我依然过得充实。
入住妇产科的病人时多时少，不变的往往是护士的脸孔。
我有时真的很纳木也很迟钝，脑袋不是闹卡机就是当机。

"Clara, have you taken the parameters of bed XX?"
"Owh, haven't!"
"Never mind. Go get it now."

 ——Thanks for not blaming. 

也许上帝误把我的脑袋跟金鱼调换了，所以常常一过三秒就忘。

我只宅在家

“圣诞老人圣诞树，圣诞老人派礼物，圣诞老人不准动也不准笑。。。”

熟悉的声音，在我耳边隐隐响起。

期待将会收到的礼物。
好奇交换会得的礼物。
我突然觉得，这些期待已离我好远好远。

礼物，在我懂得花钱有多爽的那一刻起，它不再神秘。
礼物，在我懂得省钱多重要的那一刻起，我不再乱花。
礼物，在我懂得值得是什么的那一刻起，我不再随便。
礼物，在我懂得惊喜很无聊的那一刻起，我不再期待。

我，究竟是怎么了
那我又懂了什么
也许，我也只是似懂非懂而已。

学会舍弃

阳光暖暖，诗意纯纯； 回忆似尘，一吹即散。
时间嘀嗒，你追我跑； 再过数日，你我二一。
年经岁月，早已过去； 卸下难舍，再踏远程。
未来旅程，喜惊难测； 带上知心，徒步至终。

等待 时钟

简单的数字，小学的数学，是等待的哲学。

老师说，一分钟有60秒。
老师说，一小时有60分钟。
老师说，一天有24小时。
老师说，一星期有7天。
老师说，一个月有30天。
老师说，一年有12个月。

短短的一分钟，是秒针的60步。

秒针绕着分针走了60圈，六十次的擦肩而过，它的心抽痛了60下。
秒针追着分针跑了60圈，六十次的不期而遇，它的双脚麻了痹了。
秒针想着分针哭了60圈，六十次的眼神交流，它的眼睛都快瞎了。
秒针看着分针等了60圈，每一次的一笑而过，是一碰就痛的伤口。

每一分钟还是每一秒钟，每嘀嗒一下，那都是痛楚。
就算只是短短的一小时，对等待的人来说那是86400秒。

短短的一小时，是分针的1440步，是秒针的3600步。

分针等着秒针看着时针，三角恋的关系真的有点复杂。

分针不喜欢秒针绕着时针，讨厌秒针绕时针走了3600圈。
分针不喜欢秒针纠缠时针，讨厌秒针绕时针看了3600回。

就算讨厌，若是秒针不走，分针也走不了。
没了秒针，分针只能站着，时针也只能等。
你追我跑，秒针分针时针，早已命中注定。
三角关系，没人赢没人输，放开才是真爱。

圣诞前夕

我还以为圣诞前夕的医院会比较热闹。

原来，是我错了。
没人会喜欢在医院过年过节，
更没人会愿意在医院过圣诞。

医院，格外冷清。
病人，屈指可数。
宝宝，早已入眠。

我，准备下班。
我，准备飞回家。

赶着回家也只是因为没人约我。
慢慢习惯所以无所谓，毕竟单身是我的专权。